Evanescence

30 Apr

Somewhere

In the threads of time,

Between sunlight and rainfall,

Between the dance of the clouds

And the song of the hills,

The silence of the wind

And the hum of guitar strings,

A moment lived, frozen still.

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Half Moon

27 Mar

We leave pieces of ourselves

In every person we meet

The pieces I gave you

Were my favorite part of me.

Aire

21 Jun

Did the ashes of burnt memories float into that universe

Where a little boy and girl sit together on the pavement,

Sharing the most interesting stories in the world?

Did he hear the wind sing of her dreams—

To choose him, keep him, and be free and boundless together?

Because I thought I heard the universe answer back, saying—

Air is always there, filling their lives, stringing their skies,

Never done, never gone, although unseen.

The sands of time have built a castle, majestic and grand

Washed by tides and claimed by the seas

They rose to the skies and rained on down

To my face, my heart, and that pavement from yesterday

The sound of heaven pouring on earth

Fills the void and drowns out your voice

And all I find on these merging roads—

From tomorrow, today, and yesterday—

Is the air I never lost.

Dreaming Fairies

21 May

It’s scary how the world can be so unfair.

I’ve had my fair share of injustice, and I resent the memories of each one to this day. But for the most part, I blamed myself for it, thinking that I’d been too soft and careless and trusting. What do you get from being kind anyway? Sure, people could like you. But what do you do with a thousand people who like you, when at the end of the day you’re all alone? And worse, your kindness may backfire on you in the worst possible way. I say kindness is a kind of power, and as the popular line goes, with great power comes great responsibility.

But still, I’ve accepted those moments when my good will and own efforts ended up crushing me unfairly, but witnessing it happen to someone else — someone genuinely good and bright and hardworking–is totally devastating for me. I’m in no place to judge, but seriously? If there’s one job in this world that saves people from that kind of injustice, I’m very much willing to take it.

Oh shit. I sound like someone on the way to law school.

But seriously, screw it all, I don’t even trust laws of men anyway. I just want the law of inherent goodness, of nature, of getting what you deserve. I want to be a fairy granting people wishes, making their dreams come true as long as they deserve it. I want to see hardworking people succeed greatly. I want dancers to perfectly perform what they’ve practiced. I want students to ace the exams they’ve studied all night for. I want every dog to have a loving family. I want every criminal behind bars, and I mean EVERY SINGLE ONE.

Injustice is a fate worse than death, as I have come to conclude a couple of years ago. And sometimes, with all that’s happening, I want to give up my status as a human being and ask God to just, just make me a fairy. I want to live in some spring wood and give out glass slippers or something. Seriously. I don’t actually have the right to say I’m tired, because I’ve never actually done anything worthwhile, not even household chores (ugh the laundry basket is overflowing again), but I don’t know, I really don’t know… I feel so tired. Physically, mentally. Some people might say, hey maybe you just need Christ in your life, and maybe they’re right. I’m a Christian, alright, and I can say He’s touched my life in ways more than I deserve and I believe in Him, but I don’t know what to do to enact on my faith. Maybe Christianity is indeed about community, togetherness, that being a Christian on your own will make you feel empty and hollow inside.

I don’t know where this is going. First I was raving about injustice then kindness and then Christianity.  Maybe these are signs of what they call ‘adulting’. When the solitude that you loved starts to be suffocating. When you start wishing to be somewhere else. When you finally see the world as a big, scary place. When you begin to lose your dreams. When you see everyone else going this way and that, and you’re standing right where you are, not knowing which way to go. When every failure is no longer funny, but has grown fangs and bitten into you deep enough to leave you limping. When you realize that there’s actually no one you can listen to — not your favorite author, musicians, doctors, politicians, and sometimes even those people closest to you — for in the end, all you have is yourself, and the only one you can trust to make a choice for you is you. Because it’s your life, and everything else is fleeting.

You can be kind if you are strong enough, because the world needs such a beautiful thing. But to others like me, who are rather weak, fickle, and easily lost, be a realist. Don’t be mean, but try putting yourself over others. Don’t aim for acceptance, but rather, survival. The former is a luxury we can’t afford to invest in. Keep Christ close to you, or whoever your God is, because He will keep you going. Be wary of the dangers of this world, of the things that may crush you in the end, but find something that tethers you to the beauty and joy of being alive — a person, a thing, a hobby, anything that reminds you that there is goodness, there is God. You can be good without people knowing. After all, what is a thousand likes when you are all alone in the end?

And when you are strong enough to be kind, be a fairy. Help people get what they deserve. Make them happy. Be a fairy in any way you can — promote your hardworking employee, applaud the dancer who missed a step, teach your students well (and make sure you actually taught them what you put in the exams), or adopt that homeless dog across the street. Or be a lawyer, and try to put things in order.

I don’t know who I’m going to be just yet. All I know, right now, is that I want to be a fairy.

The Psychological Probability of Love at First Sight

25 Jan

Psychology class says it takes straight 4 minutes of eye contact for two people to fall in love.

Sounds like fiction.  But when I think of it, it actually makes sense. I mean, nobody would just stare at each other that long, right? Especially when it comes to strangers (who were by the way the subject of such experiment conducted by the hopeless romantic Arthur Aron. But somehow I understand how it works. Those strangers were clueless of one another;no background knowledge to build prejudice on, no selfish desires, nothing — just their eyes and the silence of their entire being. It’s impossible to look into someone’s eyes for that long and not feel and see the depths of the soul and pull the strings inside. The gaze is sacred. It establishes the strongest connection, one that goes beyond the trappings of beauty and judgment.

It’s funny how we search for the right words yet still misunderstand and get misunderstood, when all that power of communicating and understanding is silently held by the eyes — eyes that look but seldom see, as taken for granted in world where vision is handicapped by the noise and impositions of a judgmental society. Maybe it’s because we think too much that we miss out on the things that our basic human senses should have mastered.  We build too many roads that we eventually lose our way, and then we dig for gold so that we can build ships to sail the world and make its perfect map, only to get trapped in imaginary borders, latitudes, and timezones, while up above, dead stars from centuries ago continue to shine — admired yet overlooked as they endlessly tell time and project the perfect map that only the birds and beasts seem to take notice and understand.

24 February 2015

Excerpts-from-my-diary

Mantra

25 Oct

You are my temple

You are my priest

You are my prayer

Your are my release.

-Elias Veturius, A Torch Against the Night by Sabaa Tahir

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Our Story

5 Oct

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